photo credit: dcJohn
I live in Oklahoma, one of the more religiously conservative states. That means you frequently hear references to God, Jesus, etc… in places you might not expect. Like the constant Christian music that plays in the local taco place (and here, it’s nonstop at the grocery store). Sometimes, those places include school. And you learn, or be taught, that the “good Christians” don’t like trouble makers trying to get their God out of all the places they want him to be.
So yesterday, PhD in Parenting had a great post comparing public and home education. And she admits from the get go that she’s not that familiar with homeschooling. That’s fine, I don’t expect everyone to be. I just don’t like the “I don’t know much about homeschooling, now let me tell you why it’s evil in every way I made up in my head” that I read too often. Luckily Anne has a good head on her shoulders and was able to weigh the benefits and negatives in a rational manner.
(And how sad is it that I’m so used to ignorant attacks that I’m ready to jump across the Atlantic Ocean to hug her?)
There was one minor thing that I disagreed with her on, and that’s the bully/jerk issue. Anne said:
I worry that children who grow up under the guidance of the most gentle, patient, loving and inspiring parents without being exposed to teachers who are strict, ineffective, jerks, play favourites, or use coercive methods may not learn how to deal with those types of people before entering the workforce and may be at a disadvantage (although to be fair, a lot of today’s schooled youth aren’t dealing with them themselves anyway – they are getting mommy and daddy to do it for them).
And my response:
I’ve got to agree with Smrt Mama on this point. Bullies are a part of life, bt young children need to be taught how to deal with them rather than expected to dive in and swim. There are bullies/jerks every where (we have some right across the alley that frequently bother the boys), but they can watch me deal with them and learn how.
Like cooking, I help my children learn next to me in the kitchen. I don’t drop them off at a restaurant and hope the head chef isn’t too big of a jerk. To me that’s a huge benefit of home education in early years, they get to learn how to deal with jerks from their parents, rather than teachers who not as emotionally vested and toss it off as “just ignore him” or “well deal with it then.”
I was bullied often, so that’s my view of it. I would have rather had a caring adult show me how to stand up to a bully than be told to just ignore them, or stop tattling, or that I must have been aggravating them, etc…
For me though, this goes beyond just bullies on the schoolyard. Because if you’re school child in America, you’ve got some serious odds of running into a teacher, principle, and entire school book publishing company, that wants to bully God into you. They might do it in stupid ways, like banning evolution themed shirts (’cause we don’t want no stinken science in our schools). They might do it in blatant ways, like handing out fetus dolls (side note- enjoy the comments for Libertarians complaining that public schools are unconstitutional, cause ensuring every child has an education of some sort is baaaadddd) . They might do it in ways that you can’t escape from, like rearranging the school history books for the entire fucking nation.
And in those cases, I want to be standing next to my kids and telling the adult “No, that’s fucked up.” I want them to see me puffing out my chest so they, in turn, learn to puff out theirs. Because seriously, that’s fucked up.
Some would say that I’m denying my kids the chance to see just that by not putting them in the face of these adult bullies. To which I say
- There is more than one way to stand up, I don’t need to be arm wrestling the teacher every day to show my kids how to do so.
- I want them to be ready before they face that kind of crap. I want them to learn to make toast before I toss them in the kitchen of a 5 star restaurant.
- I don’t believe that I have to serve my kids to the firing squad in the name of making things better. I can want things to be better for other kids too. After all, some day those kids and my kids will be adults together and I’d rather them not try to recruit mine into some hate filled anti-abortion, government is bad cult.
School kids make a captive audience, one that can be filled with love or hate, one that can be given kindness or suffer attacks. I get that school is a good fit for some kids, I get that school is the only/best/preferred option for some parents, and I absolutely believe that despite being a messed up system children should still experience school over historical options (like sending poor kids to factories to work, ahem Libertarians).
But, I still think the over-all system is damaged. I don’t think bake sales with the PTA and class trips sponsored by Lunchables is going to fix that. And I think that in some areas, school gives adults with a God complex (literally) a chance to shove Jesus down the throats of those who are far too impressionable. And I think it’s getting worse.
Disclaimer: I get that I’m privileged to be able to homeschool, and I know it is a privilege that might not last much longer. I may hate the system, but I’m not sitting in my white castle telling you to just homeschool. What’s right for me can be absolutely wrong for you.
Tags: Oklahoma, religion, school
