Comments on: Bribing: It Doesn’t Work

By: The Attached Mother » Blog Archive » Bribes

The Attached Mother » Blog Archive » Bribes — Mon, 12 May 2008 06:51:28 +0000

[...] and baby wearing why would we not also strive to build that foundation in other areas. I have a discussion going on right now on whether bribing works or not. Feel free to pop over and share your thoughts in the comments section, just do so politely [...]

By: Summer

Summer — Sat, 10 May 2008 15:39:46 +0000

Abagail I disagree with your example. Working an extra shift and being paid for it is not a bribe, it is being paid for the work that you do. If that were a bribe then every paycheck would be a bribe for showing up at your job. I hope that my children work not to get money, but because they love what they do. Hence focusing on internal motivation rather than bribes. To me, focusing on the tangible rewards can easily lead to greed.

The violin example doesn’t work for me. For 1 if they really wanted to learn to play I want them to be self motivated to do so, not motivated by bribes and rewards. If they don’t want to I won’t try to force or manipulate them into it, we’d just find something else that they wanted to learn. For allowance I don’t think it should be payment for anything. The money earned is the family’s money, and as part of the family they are entitled to a certain percentage of just by birth. Sure they are expected to do chores, because as with the money they are a part of the family and that is a requirement in this household. I don’t get extra cash for doing the dishes, and yet I do them anyway. I expect the same from my kids.

By: PlanningQueen

PlanningQueen — Fri, 09 May 2008 13:38:23 +0000

I completely agree that bribes don't work. My son's Montessori teacher would give the "What's next example?" Once you start using it kids start expecting more and more. @ Abigail - Great managers do not use extrinsic motivators in the work place, instead the work on developing their staff so that they are intrinsically motivated. Extrinsic motivators only ever have short term effects. PlanningQueen's last blog post..Free E-book - Planning With Kids Top 100 Tips, Volume 1

By: abigail

abigail — Fri, 09 May 2008 04:01:55 +0000

I respectfully disagree, though I haven’t read the book here.

I think that it’s okay to offer rewards to kids for good behavior, achievement, etc.

A lot of parents offer “love” and pride at their kids’ achievements, in order to encourage such positive behavior.

I think it’s better to offer tangible rewards. Look, kids, Mom and Dad are going to love you with all of our hearts no matter what. Love isn’t contingent on doing well. But, if you want a little bit bigger allowance, well then practice your violin for an extra 30 minutes, or read another book, etc.

And remember, the real world does offer bribes, or at least, measurable incentives. Work an extra shift, get paid more, etc.

Thanks for this great topic!

With respect,
Abby

todayisfun.com

By: Sara

Sara — Thu, 08 May 2008 06:34:55 +0000

And I JUST read an article in a parenting mag that said it was absolutly ok to bribe, and to not feel bad ect ect. I knew they were wrong..in my heart of hearts I knew it. I know that now that I live in the “real world” and need to movitvate myself because its the right thing to do in order to move on with my life, I find it very hard. There’s no one there to hand me an “A” or an “alloence” (though I do get paid for my work..) ect. If my house gets cleaned, no one cares but me. And that needs to be enough. Being raised in a bribed house, sometimes its really not enough to get me motivated and as an adult, I wish my own self motivation had been fostered. Thank you for this insight. Very cool article.

By: Katiebod (Roses are Red, Violets are Violet)

Katiebod (Roses are Red, Violets are Violet) — Wed, 07 May 2008 21:02:12 +0000

This was a great topic and is something I really struggle with. I have a 6-year old that is all about “what’s in it for me…” He gets stickers at school, for doing chores, etc… and I really have a problem internally with rewarding him for doing things we should be able to EXPECT of him. He is a member of this household and should contribute by making his bed, feeding the dog, etc. By promising him rewards for behaving in school, I feel like we may be setting him up to expect rewards as an adult– and, we all know, that the real world isn’t quite as giving.

Great post!

Katiebod (Roses are Red, Violets are Violet)’s last blog post..4 years ago today…

By: Mom Is Teaching » Blog Archive » A Few Good Books

Mom Is Teaching » Blog Archive » A Few Good Books — Wed, 07 May 2008 17:51:26 +0000

[...] I did share one at my personal blog that I thought some of you might be interested. It is about bribing kids to get a desired result and how the short term benefits are outweighed by the long term problems, such as diminished [...]