I\'m Summer, a mouthy, sarcastic bitch. I\'m passionate about natural birth, long term breastfeeding, and living naturally. I curse too much, love tattoos, and will some day be crushed to death by my book collection. I homeschool, dream of gardening, and swing to the left. 
Community
I started writing online when E was 3 months old. I picked a site that had more of a closed community feel. And I loved it. I wrote about everything that was important in my life, I got out things I normally would have never spoken about, and I met some great women. I made so many friends there, some that have walked away from the Internet and I still miss. Some that I hold on to the hope that I will hear from again.
Because it had a more tight-nit feel I was much more open in what I wrote about. Probably a lot more so than I am here. There I could choose what would be public and what would be shown only to my friends. I could delete people from the list as I needed to, limiting who had access to my private thoughts.
I walked away when, deep in PPD, I felt overwhelmed being there. I was feeling raw, open, exposed. I could not pretend away how I really felt there because everyone knew the truth. So I began this blog as a place where I could smile and pretend to be happy. I felt better, I had to force myself to be happy in order to write something happy.
Another reason I left, one that some who have also made the journey away from there will understand, is to gt away from the mindset. While I’ve met some awesome women there who I love deeply, I’ve also met brick wall after brick wall. The site is full of people who believe whatever the commercial tells them, who thinks that questioning anyone in charge is a horrible thing, and who feel that if “everyone else does it” then it must be the right choice. I know that mindset exists out here as well. But that site, because of the closed community feel that I loved, we were much more often bumping into each other. Soon it became where you could not share any part of your life that was not mainstream without being thrown to the wolves for it. And, sadly, no matter how much research you gave to show why you made a choice the typical response was generally “OMG ur dum“.
I still write there from time to time, mostly to keep up with those who have not yet left. But honestly, I have no interest in being a part of that community anymore. Leaving, at least emotionally leaving, has felt like a brick lifted off of my chest. I feel so much lighter no longer waiting for the next battle.
In a way I do mourn the community. I mourn the history I have preserved there, the friends I have met, and in some small part the fighting. Because of the constant battles I had to become passionate, to become educated, to become more aware of the things that I believe in. I don’t often talk about those things here, probably because I still see this blog as my “happy place” where I don’t need to fight those battles. I’m sure in time I’ll feel once again ready to talk about the things that gt me riled up, but until then I’m just relieved to be here.
Yep, to all of it. I don’t feel sad anymore. I think the hardest part was the actual leaving. Now that I am “gone” (but still writing and noting, gah how I wish I didn’t have to go there at all!), I don’t regret it.
I do miss the privacy. This blog is 100% open, it’s on my drop-down menu for pete’s sake, anyone can get on my computer and see it without having to sign in like you do on OD. I also miss the larger audience, but I am willing to trade both of those things for the peace of mind of being able to be who I am without a bunch of idiots jumping my case.
I can really relate to this. I’ve been writing at another site for over 4 years and I’m ready to leave there…but I know I’ll miss certain things about it. *HUGS*
*nods* I wish it was different over there…I wish the mod was as even headed as he swears he is. But he’s not. And the folks that write there are children, if not in actual age then in behavior. I miss being able to write for “faves only” but…it was like high school, that you can so easily keep relationships going because your already there, so reading is easy. Here..its the real world baby.