Do Not Mess With My Food

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I was feeling hungry and wanted something to munch so I tossed a few broccoli heads in to steam and grabbed the butter tub from the fridge. Opening the tub I found that there was nearly nothing left just a little on the sides for me to scrape off. As I’m scraping Dearest walks into the kitchen.

Me: We’re out of butter.

Him: (with a totally straight face) No we’re not.

He then grabbed a drink, turned and walked back out with cracking a smile. So I go back to the fridge, squat down, and dig behind every bowl, box, bag, and bottle in there. I cannot find another tub of butter anywhere. In frustration I stand up and slam the door shut, just as Dearest walks back in.

Me: I can’t find any more butter in there anywhere! Where is the butter?

Ever so calmly and without smiling he walks over, picks up the butter dish off the counter, points inside and says “I still see some.”

When I grabbed the towel off the counter that man jumped and ran like he saw the firing squad. He’s lucky my food was done or I would have gone after him too.