I\'m Summer, a mouthy, sarcastic bitch. I\'m passionate about natural birth, long term breastfeeding, and living naturally. I curse too much, love tattoos, and will some day be crushed to death by my book collection. I homeschool, dream of gardening, and swing to the left. 
Final Thought On Rape Analogies
One last note in the Rape/CIO analogy arguement.
In the birthing community there is a term that some use to describe their birth experiences called “birthrape”. Where the mother felt so violated and traumatised by her childbirth experience that to her it was comparable to rape.
Now, I’m on the birthrape is real side. I think that if someone violates your body without an express Yes it is rape./ Whether that person is a stranger in a dark alley, your husband in your bedroom, or a medical doctor in a hospital. I am capable of seeing the difference between a violent sexual assualt and an episiodomy while still recognising that to the woman involved the feeling, and therefore the term used to express that feeling, is the same.
However, there’s a flip side. Mention birthrape in mixed company and you’ll get a few dozen angry comments about it. From both rape survivors who feel that their experiences are being used lightly and from women with similar birth experiences who did not feel it was akin to rape. And many, many are insulted that a woman dare use the term rape to mean anything other that what their rape was. Hell, there are also some who feel it can never be rape if it’s between a husband and a wife but that’s a whole ‘nother bag of chips.
Now before anyone flips out on me for saying CIO is totally the same as birthrape, I’m showing an example of a situation where two groups see the same term being used used in two different ways. One side sees it as a light, flippant “diss” and the other sees it as a sharp and biting analogy. When Annie compared forced sleep to forced sex I got it. And judging by comments both on her blog, here, and Twitter I’m not the only one. I can see a huge difference between sexual assault and CIO while also seeing a similarity in the action of disrespecting another human being that can be found in both situations. As well as seeing how depending where you live either action may be seen as aceptable culturally. But not everyone did, not everyone got past the word rape to see the point underneath. Not everyone cared what the point was simply because the word rape was used.
Not everyone even cares about respect when compared to “the greater good”. I.e. “Don’t complain about your c-section having a healthy baby is all that matters / It doesn’t matter if the baby is very upset sleeping through the night is all that matters” For some the ends justify the means and therefore the means are perfectly acceptable.
Does disagreement on how the term is used mean that it’s being used lightly? Well, to some yes. To some, a woman calling tramatic birth experiences rape is insulting and shallows the word. And others think you can say it’s LIKE rape in this way or that way without it being entirely 100% rape. There’s no universal right and wrong here.
There are always going to be people turned off by your words, no matter what you say. There are always going to be people who stop listening because they disagree with this point or that. There is no way to please 100% of the people reading your words 100% of the time.
Hell, when I wrote a few months ago that infant male circumcision is mutilation you should have read some of the emails I got from people who feel I was lessening or cheapening the experiences of female circumcision or other acts that they felt were the real human rights violations worth discussing. Yes, many tuned out and stopped listening. But that doesn’t change how I feel about it and it doesn’t change how I’m going to express that. While tiptoeing through the tulips about it (circumcision is wrong, but totally your choice and perfectly fine and gee what a great mom you are and everything you do is wonderful) might be less controversial and piss off fewer people, it just wasn’t being honest about how I truly felt about the topic.
You absolutely have the right to think I’m wrong, to think I’m cheapening others’ experiences, to think I don’t know what I’m talking about. And if you’re on the side of the fence that says using the word rape in any way other than 100% rape is wrong, great. But don’t believe that there is only that one side, or that you speak for every single person on earth who has had that experience.
I’m getting rambly so I’ll end this here. The point, summed up is, where one person sees an insult another person sees a perspective. And that includes when talking about the word rape.
P.S. Despite what you think about me or Annie, neither of us have told other women that their rapes weren’t real. That’s a line some of us, but not all of us, choose not to cross. I guess that’s the kind of feminist mama I am.
Being a rape survivor, I can understand why some women get upset when the term “birthrape” is used. Being a Mom who went through a very hard first birth, with both my child and I nearly dying, I can also understand “birthrape”. It really is a matter of perspective.
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Birthrape is absolutely real. When you are screaming, “No! No! Stop!” as an object/finger/instrument is inserted/carved into your body, does it make it okay if the person doing it is a doctor? I don’t think so. Just because what’s going into your vagina is not a penis doesn’t mean it’s not rape.
I understand how that term gets people’s hackles up. But I’m guessing those people think a “bad birth” is where you didn’t get to have the kind of juice you wanted with your hospital breakfast. Bless them and their blissful ignorance!
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