I had originally written a post about breastfeeding and set it up to post this morning. Then one quick look through the news before heading off to bed. Well you know what they say about the best laid plans.My quick look turned into frustration, then calling Dearest to rant over the phone, then finally deciding I needed to vent some stream here.
Apparently there is this new children’s book called My Beautiful Mommy coming out on Mother’s day. It’s the story of a mom who decides she’s too lumpy so she gets a tummy tuck, boob job, and tosses in a nose job for good measure. The book is written by Dr. Michael Salzhauer who becomes a musclebound superhero in the story, heroically saving mom from saggy boobs and a crooked nose.
You know what, if you want to get your body redone from head to toe, that’s great. Go for it. The book still pisses me off. Why? Because it’s a pretty, pink, shiny marketing ploy to teach little girls, ages 4 - 7, that they too can be happy if they’ll only spend thousands of dollars and weeks of pain to look like this ideal image that even celebs can’t achieve without airbrushing. Oh sure, because there just aren’t enough little girls today with image and self-esteem problems.
Then there are the body image issues raised by cosmetic surgery—especially for daughters. Berger worries that kids will think their own body parts must need “fixing” too. The surgery on a nose, for example, may “convey to the child that the child’s nose, which always seemed OK, might be perceived by Mommy or by somebody as unacceptable,” she says.
Exactly. See, I’m not the only one who gets it. This isn’t about plastic surgery, it’s about marketing an unattainable beauty ideal into little girls. Unfortunately the Dr. Michael just writes people like me off as prudes.
Salzhauer knows that not everyone will like his book. “There’s a good percentage of your readers who are dead set against plastic surgery, who see it as a sign of the decadence of Western civilization,” he says
Sure, I’ll give you that plastic surgery is one of the modern decadences we worship today. So are Hummers, fast food, and satellite TV. But that’s not the point. The point is that when the mom in the story tells her daughter that her nose will look “prettier” real little girls are going to wonder if they can have prettier noses, if they should have prettier noses, if they need prettier noses. Then that leads to 12 year old girls getting boob jobs. Oh, think I’m exaggerating? Guess again.
The daughter of glamour model and tell-all phenom Alicia Douvall wants mom to buy her a boob job. Mom intends to oblige. The kicker? Daughter Georgia is not yet thirteen.
True most of the daughters are not going to be running out for their first set of boobs right away. But the seed is being planted, and it quickly grows into the “if only” tree. Everyone woman knows this. “If only I was thinner…” “If only I had larger breasts…” “If only my nose were smaller..” Then what? You’ll be happier/get a better job/ he’ll love you more/ etc…
That it’s aimed at kids ages 4-7 doesn’t surprise me at all. After all, big companies market padded bras to little girls who aren’t even close to having breasts yet. Oh sure, it’s made to “cover up” what isn’t there by making them appear bigger. But hey, it isn’t the first time and probably won’t be the last either.
If you need to cover up a six years-olds’ non-breasts in order to feel like she’s being “discreet ,” there’s something wrong with the way you look at six year-old girls.
And don’t even get me started on the regular clothes I’ve seen in stores for little girls to wear. For every cute “Oh I wish I had a daughter” outfit I see there are a dozen more “OMG who would put their baby in that?” outfits hanging on the rack. Little girls should not be dressed like they’re going out to the club, in their little padded bras, and dreaming about getting a prettier nose someday.
Maybe I am just a prude after all.
Tags: life, parenting, daughters, girls, sexism, beauty standards, plastic surgery, My Beautiful Mommy
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April 18th, 2008 at 8:09 am
With threee girls, I can tell you I’ve spent a lot of time counteracting stuff like this. A LOT.
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April 18th, 2008 at 8:09 am
Turns out the book is not actually a hoax, sort of..details here
http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/010154.html
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April 18th, 2008 at 8:16 am
That’s horrible!
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April 18th, 2008 at 8:46 am
You’re not a prude and you’re not alone either! As a mother of an almost 13 year old I deal with this kind of stuff on a daily basis! It not only comes from the media, it also can come from their peers as well!
My daughter is on the petite side of the scale, she has been since birth. Her weight is in the perfect stage and she is nowhere near having weight problems. She eats well and plays sports and gets good exercise. But because she’s not all skin and bones like many of her peers, she is constantly being told she’s fat. And because she has short hair, she’s contantly being called less than flattering names.
Things like nose jobs and boob jobs aren’t the “norm” for most normal people, but I don’t think it’s going to stay that way long. As parents of daughters we have to stand up to the pressures that are put on our daughters and give them the strength and support to accept who they are! Society as a whole has never been very accepting to women that are “less than perfect”, but I am seeing where it is getting a little better than it was when I was in my teens.
I think a young girls acceptance of who she is and how she looks comes from a home that supports her as a person. I do my best to help my daughter accept who she is, some days I win the battle, some days I don’t. I can only hope that she realizes she has the support here at home that matters the most!
GREAT post and awesome topic! If I get the time over the next few days I may try to do something similar! Thanks!
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April 18th, 2008 at 8:46 am
April 18th, 2008 at 10:55 am
You are not a prude - this is inappropriate and parents and women need to stop questioning their own sanity when facing the direct objectification of women and children.
This book was written by a plastic surgeon who understands that if he can make children believe that actually becoming an inanimate object is “beautiful” then he gets to make more money. If he can convince girls to hate their nose, boobs, stomach instead of learning to like themselves he’s got a great shot at becoming a billionaire with job security.
Our job - as parents and educators is to say NO. You do not get to define beauty for children in this exploitive and self-interested way.
WE desperately need to grow a backbone about this type of marketing - and that’s what this is - pure marketing.
Let’s teach our daughter’s to LIKE who they are and what they look like instead!
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April 18th, 2008 at 11:04 am
I would add that it is equally difficult and equally important to teach sons how to value true beauty in real girls. To teach them that beauty is 3 dimensional and comes in many forms.
I once dated a guy who lived in LA and I was astounded that he truly believed that women GREW breasts like that. He would constantly believe “those are real” - even triple Ds on petite Asian women. He had lived there so long he had literally forgotten what real women look like biologically.
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April 18th, 2008 at 11:52 am
I’m THRILLED to see a mother of boys concerned about this issue. You have a great opportunity to teach your sons to value girls for who they are and not for how they look.
That’s not to say that you don’t have your own set of problems with media/marketing to boys. Yeesh.
April 18th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
That is so utterly disturbing.
One of my 11 year olds yesterday was commenting that she couldn’t believe they made “skanky bikinis for babies”. Thankfully,I seem to influence her more than the media.Whew!
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April 18th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
I’m a little concerned with the use of sexually derogatory words to describe little girls, no matter what they are wearing.
Using the term “skanky” implies promiscuity or sexual inappropriateness on the girls’ part. Obviously a baby is not in any way sexual. It places all the responsibility on the girl/baby and not the marketer who makes us think bikini=sexual. Or the person who interprets a baby’s bikini as sexually provocative.
Babies, I would think, should be allowed to show some skin without us interpreting it as a move toward becoming sexually active or promiscuous.
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April 18th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
I will add that- knowing someone who works with sexual predators- this adultification of young girls is making sexual abuse a bigger problem.
There are so many other issues running through this ie estabishing boundries and mothers wanting befriend their daughters and not parent or guide their daughters.
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April 18th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
I am so glad it turned out to not be true (along with other stories this week!!)
It’s hard enough to raise a child, but with a daughter you have so much more to worry about. My oldest was infinitely easier then my daughter has been up to now!! LOL!
I have to fight to keep negative roll models out of our house, like Bratz dolls. Up until VERY recently, the only Barbie allowed in our home were the Mermaid/Fairy varieties. And to make matters worse, people (read family) constantly question my resistance to allowing her to play with these toys! Funny, no one questioned when I made a no guns rule with my sons…
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April 18th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
April 18th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
Summer, I’m not suggesting the bikini was appropriate.
I’m suggesting sexually derogatory words applied to girls clothing won’t take us where we want to go. It doesn’t encourage MORE respect for girls.
I would have asked my daughter not to use such words.
The words themselves - skank, slut, whore, etc - further sexualize girls.
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April 18th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
April 19th, 2008 at 7:24 am
Great post. I was also glad to see Sub O’s comment linking to another explanation on this book. Hopefully it will never really see the “light of day.”
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April 19th, 2008 at 11:42 am
I just wanted to stop by and say thanks for linking to my blog, and also thanks for enabling this conversation. It’s a relief to learn that “My Beautiful Mommy” is a self-published vanity piece. Sometimes there is a little bit of hope.
April 20th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
I was shocked too when I saw this book. Unfortunately, I suspect that the attention it’s gotten means the author will get more sales than originally planned. Nothing like an uproar to build sales.
Frustrating, since I’d rather see the book flop. Girls don’t need more pressure to meet such ideals. I’ve been careful to allow my daughter to dress like the kindergartener she is, with absolutely no fashion sense. She looks great even when the colors don’t match.
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April 21st, 2008 at 8:43 pm
Hello again. I actually just wanted to add, in the interests of fairness - even though it’s hardly any better - that the quote you’ve pulled from my Ad Feminem blog doesn’t tell the whole story. What we said about Alicia Douvall is that she does plan to oblige her daughter Georgia’s request for a breast augmentation, but not until Georgia turns 16. Hardly admirable, I know, but still, marginally better than allowing it for a 13 year old.
April 22nd, 2008 at 12:40 pm
I blogged about that book too. I bet it sells well in the waiting rooms in the doctor’s office.
My 6.5 year old daughter has a whole list of toys and clothing that is off limits. Bratz are WAY off limits, Barbie is even questionable. She understands why it’s not allowed in our house too. When we see girls her age in public dressed with their belly buttons hanging out and wearing shirts that say things like “boy candy” - SHE tells me how that girl is trying to attract the wrong kind of attention and suggests things the girl could do to feel better about herself.
Now my next greatest feat is to raise my son not to be a pig.
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April 22nd, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Where’s my barf bag? That’s utterly disgusting. Makes me glad this new babe isn’t a girl after all.
This is how we wind up with freaks like Jenny Lee who was bawling her plastic head off on Oprah because her doctor told her she couldn’t have any more nose jobs, and that she would have to ACCEPT HER NOSE THE WAY IT WAS RIGHT THEN AND NOT CHANGE IT AGAIN. Horrors!
April 24th, 2008 at 7:37 am
whhaaaat???? I can’t even believe there is a book like that being published!! That’s bat-shit crazy, excuuuuse my language.
Um, and if you read my post from today, which is oddly-timed since I just read this post today and it is a couple days old, I swear I was JUST KIDDING IN THE LAST LINE!
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May 8th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Please tell me you’re kidding? Please? Pretty please?? With a cherry on top? And whipped cream and strawberries too?
Gads - I can’t even imagine the damage a book like that will do. I am thankful that I’ve only got boys, but I’ve been a teacher long enough to know a heck of a lot of girls with problems with body image. Scary - scary indeed.
I wish all the kids with these kinds of problems could jump on a bike and ride to the ends of the earth with us - they would learn they can do anything and don’t need some plastic surgeon to help them along! (yes, we really are riding our bikes to the ends of the earth - with our ten-year-old twins and the family dog. You can read of our journey at http://www.familyonbikes.org)
May 20th, 2008 at 7:32 pm
This book is truly horrible.