I\'m Summer, a mouthy, sarcastic bitch. I\'m passionate about natural birth, long term breastfeeding, and living naturally. I curse too much, love tattoos, and will some day be crushed to death by my book collection. I homeschool, dream of gardening, and swing to the left. 
I Don’t Like Christians
photo credit: kalandrakas
I don’t like Christians.
I say that while having a handful fo very dear friends who are Christians themselves, people who I think are some of the most wonderful people I have ever met. I consider them the exceptions to the rule.
Having lived my life among Christians, watching them from the outside, I’ve noticed a common thread among most. The closer ones claims to be to God, the farther one is from their fellow human beings. The man who preaches the longest about Jesus in a Sunday sermon is often the one who kicks a homeless man and tells him to get a job. The one who clutches her hands and comes to tears over the “lost souls” turns her nose up at the desperate masses right in front of her.
I’ve been told, in defensive tones, that this is clearly my perception of reality. That I see Christians this way not because they are, but because I’m a pagan/feminst/devil/anti-christ/fill-in-the-blank. But maybe, it’s not just me. Maybe the “oppression” Christians feel is really just the normal reaction to a mass wave of assholes who like to hang out with each other every Sunday morning. (<--- click that link, read it, all of it, soak it in)
The point is that one can fill a life full of spiritual activities without ever, actually, trying to become a more decent human being. Much of this activity can actually distract one from becoming a more decent human being. In fact, some of these activities make you worse, interpersonally speaking. Many churches are jerk factories.
Take, for example, how Christians tip and behave in restaurants. If you have ever worked in the restaurant industry you know the reputation of the Sunday morning lunch crowd. Millions of Christians go to lunch after church on Sundays and their behavior is abysmal. The single most damaging phenomenon to the witness of Christianity in America today is the collective behavior of the Sunday morning lunch crowd. Never has a more well-dressed, entitled, dismissive, haughty or cheap collection of Christians been seen on the face of the earth.
I exaggerate of course. But I hope you see my point. Rather than pouring our efforts into two hours of worship, bible study and Christian fellowship on Sunday why don’t we just take a moment and a few extra bucks to act like a decent human being when we go to lunch after wards? Just think about it. What if the entire restaurant industry actually began to look forward to working Sunday lunch? If they said amongst themselves, “I love the church crowd. They are kind, patient and very generous. It’s my favorite part of the week waiting on Christians.” How might such a change affect the way the world sees us? Think about it. Just being a decent human being for one hour each Sunday and the world sees us in a whole new way.
But it’s not going to happen. Because behavior at lunch isn’t considered to be “working on your relationship with God.” Behavior at lunch isn’t spiritual. Going to church, well, that is working on your relationship with God. But, as we all know, any jerk can sit in a pew. But you can’t be a jerk if you take the time to treat your waitress as if she were a friend, daughter or mother.
You could spend your Sunday morning being a descent human being, or sitting in a big building telling yourself how much better you are than everyone else and that we’re all just really jealous. Tough call.
Hat tip to Pandagon for the quote and link.
Edit: Yes, I get it. You’re not perfect. No one is, and I don’t expect anyone to try to be. I do, however, expect everyone to try to be a better person. Everyone. And too often I hear Christians use the “I’m not perfect” excuse to brush away trying to better themselves. I’ve seen the smug look behind the “not perfect” lines. Your lips say you’re not perfect, but your eyes say “I’m going to heaven and you’re not.”
P.P.S. – Telling me that I need to read the bible, that I’m going to hell, and that you’re praying for me only makes you look like more of an ass. How’s that for an appetite suppressant before your Sunday lunch rush?
I dunno… I grew up in an Agnostic/Pagan household, and my exposure to Christians came late in life.
From what I’ve observed, yes, most are exactly as you say it. Those who are not seem to be the exception, not the rule.
So rather than Christians getting upset at how others perceive them, perhaps they should deal with the very public assholes who make them look bad in the first place.
Wendy Hawksley´s last blog ..Tokyo Treats
Those kinds of Christians are why we no longer go to church.
Too many talking the talk, and not walking the walk.
Andrea_R´s last blog ..In a word: awesome
I agree 100% with everything you said both as someone who grew up in a strict Christian home and also worked in the restaurant industry for years.
I don’t really want to badmouth my family and all the friends I grew up with but I will say that you hit the nail on the head.
Sheryl´s last blog ..Mardi Gras Halloween Pumpkins
Abso-fucking-lutely. The nice, friendly Christians are definitely the exception to the rule. All the rest are assholes and they have personally treated me like dirt because I’m not like them. How very Christ-like. That behavior is what drove me away from Christianity in the first place!
Kudos to you for having the balls to write this. Every time I try to bring up this subject, I get a bunch of whiny-asses going, “Wahh wahh, why does everyone hate Christians, no fair!” THIS IS WHY. Because you are hypocrites and you are JERKS.
Jill´s last blog ..Now They’ve Gone And Done It
I do consider myself a Christian and I hope I am an exception.
I remember when things really changed for me, I really looked into what Jesus was and what he did it, it led my first foot out the churches door.
Look the man you hold up and pray to didn’t preach in a church- when he did go into a church he turned the tables over, he pointed out the hypocrisy, that same money-changer hypocrisy that still exists today.
Jesus didn’t spend his days ridiculing those who did not understand or didn’t believe the same as him- he talked to them, shared his love- he ate at their tables and let them wash his feet. I can not name one “Christan” that I know who would do the same.
Church is a building, it brick and mortar. Real faith and spirituality lies in us a people. I rather spend my Sunday’s in a bate of hot holy oil then in a church.
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As another pagan…gotta say…yea. Pretty much.
Wow. I’m amazed you had the nerve to say this out loud, but I’m nodding my head in agreement.
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I am someone who has been hurt miserably by the church, many times over. I’ve seen much of the worst of Christianity, all around (and heard stories from others, like you, who have also been hurt). Bitterness and anger against abound alongside disillusionment with the church.
And yet I am still an active member of my faith community.
The reason for this, in a nutshell, is because I recognize what I think a lot of people (especially those within the church) do not – that the church is made up of sinful, broken people. Some of them are “saved,” some are not. Some are further along in their process of becoming “Christ-like” than others. Any time you bring together a group of people who are broken, the organization that they produce is similarly broken.
The point of church, for me, is the relationship with my Savior. Can I do that from home? To an extent, but not completely since He commands us to gather with other believers (and did so Himself). Does my faith involve leaving the inside of the church to help those outside its doors? I think it does (you’d have to ask others for their opinions on that).
I’m sorry you’ve been hurt by folks who call themselves Christians. I think it tends to hurt worse from us/them because, theoretically, it shouldn’t happen. Just remember that we’re not perfect, and it’s only when we claim perfection that we are actually hypocrites.
I’m sorry that your experience with Christians has been so negative. I, who have grown up in the church, have also seen what you are describing. However, I also have seen the opposite. What the previous commenter said “hits the nail on the head” better. Christians aren’t perfect. What we are is covered in the blood of Christ — forgiven. God knows we will make mistakes. But in RELATIONSHIP with him when we acknowledge those mistakes we are given grace. I know many of you would look at us as hypocrites, but what we really are are recipients of God’s unbelievable mercy. My prayer is that these words are taken with the intent they are given. Another perpective.
I just read an awesome book “I’m Fine With God…It’s Christians I Can’t Stand” by Bruce Bickel and Stan Jantz. Totally sums up the people you talk about in the post. I’m sorry you’ve had to experience the people that don’t get what being a Christian really means!! I can’t stand those kinds of people either!
I’m cracking up. Your Google ads are for “Online Ministry Schools” and “Learn Biblical Hebrew.”
Christine´s last blog ..Summer does not like Christians
I am so sad that a someone can be judged on whether they are a decent person by how much of a tip they leave. I wonder if only Christians eat out on Sundays? Are you sure that all the bad tippers came from church? Regardless, I tip based on service. If I get good service I tip really well, if I get bad service I still tip, just not as much. It honestly has never occurred to me to tip differently based on which day I tip on. I am certain that there are bad people or uncaring people that go to church. There are also the same type of people who do not go to church. Personally I do not judge those who do not fellowship. I have ALWAYS been a Christian, but there are times I did not feel the need to go to church or had not felt one I thought brought me closer to God. At this point, I have found one I feel very comfortable in. Regardless of any of this, here is just my simple suggestion. Try not to judge me for my faith and whether I meet the standards of what a Christian should be in your eyes, and I’ll try to to blame all your shortcoming on the fact that you don’t believe. Deal?
Summer Reply:
October 26th, 2009 at 9:16 am
Shea, your comment drips of the kind of attitude I’m exactly talking about.
Am I sure all the bad tippers come from church? Well let’s see: larger group, always shows up together on Sunday afternoon, always dressed nice, many carrying bibles, always acts like they deserve the world to be handed to them and then leaves crap tips. Yep, pretty sure. If you clicked the link and read the entire thing you would have seen it was a fellow Christian pointing you all out. Instead of being so defensive, read the entire thing and see where he has a lot of valid points. Or continue being defensive: “What? I always tip! Are you sure they’re Christians!” That will ensure you never change, never grow, never learn, and continue to be the same example of your faith that makes the rest of us never want to join you.
As for my “standards” they’re simple, and the same for every one no matter what they believe. Try to be a descent human being. Sadly too many stand behind their faith and rehashed lines of not being perfect as great excuses to never try to be better. After all, why try? You’re already certain you’ve got a spot waiting for you, so you’ve no reason to make an effort.
Jana Reply:
October 26th, 2009 at 8:28 pm
Summer,
I feel I must respond to your comment to Shea. You tell her not to be so defensive, but frankly, I hear quite a bit of defensiveness from your reply. Then in your edit to your original post, you say you are tired of Christians using the excuse of “not being perfect” but then turn around and use that exact excuse yourself. May I ask, who is being hypocritical?
Any Christian who is striving for a true relationship with Christ is striving to become a “better person”. When they become a Christian they no longer wish to be the kind of person they were before. The fact that you have only had limited contact with people like that, I’m sorry. However, my compassion for you wanes as I read you continually cutting down those of us who are doing their best and that just not being good enough for you. I’m tired of being told by supposed “open-minded” people that just because I am a Christian I am obviously a like every bad Christian they know without even taking a minute to get to know me or my beliefs. (yes I’m being defensive)
There is such a thing as truth and it will set you free. But there is also is such a thing as sin and it will leave you in bondage until you seek and receive Jesus Christ as your Savior. If that is judgemental to you I’m sorry, but just so you know, Christians are not the ultimate judge.
Jana
Summer Reply:
October 26th, 2009 at 9:42 pm
Jana, could you point out exactly where “Then in your edit to your original post, you say you are tired of Christians using the excuse of “not being perfect” but then turn around and use that exact excuse yourself.”
I clearly said i was tired fo Christians using that line as an excuse to never try to work harder. Where did I say I wasn’t going to try harder myself?
Not defensive, just annoyed. Very, very annoyed.
Im so sorry you have had that experience. Jesus cries when he sees his followers treating others badly. He loves you just as you are. No more. No less.
Look at Jesus not the people…we are imperfect human beings.
I like your blog.
I do believe that we christians are some of the most judgmental people on earth. Very sad since that is the opposite of what Jesus teaches us to be. You have very valid points.
Although I avoid labels in general, this post is a good explanation of why I do like the term humanist. We should all be focusing on humans and being good human beings.
Annie @ PhD in Parenting´s last blog ..Nestle-Free Week: October 26 to November 1
Jill Reply:
October 26th, 2009 at 11:31 am
So that’s what a humanist is.
Sounds good to me: the religion of Being A Good Person.
Jill´s last blog ..Now They’ve Gone And Done It
I totally agree with you
I’m a tattooed, pierced, open minded female in a male dominated ministry society
yup…i’m on my way to ordination
and people in my congregation turn their noses at me
that’s WHY i’m on my way to ordination
because we’ve lost sight of what it is all supposed to be about…Jesus’ teachings were about being compassionate to one another
You were brave to post this
I’ve preached this on a Sunday morning before
no tomatoes or rotten eggs thrown my way…but i definitely gave people pause to think!
Keep sharing your mind…even when your voice shakes
because you’re right
By the way, I wanted to add something I discussed with my Christian hubby last night. (I’m Pagan, like Summer.)
We do know that people aren’t perfect. We have people in our own religion who make us go “huh?” often.
I think part of the problem is that Christianity is very well-known; everyone is aware of the example Christians are supposed to be striving to emulate. We also know that Jesus would be a tough act to follow.
That said, I believe Summer. is talking about the kind of Christians who don’t even bother trying. (But I could be totally wrong!)
My husband calls them “CHINOS” – Christians In Name Only.
On a blog I follow, one post talked about how the blogger was driving to work one day, and was cut off by some woman who then flipped her off. She had a “Jesus Saves” bumper sticker or something similar.
A good example of a CHINO.
The other issue are the fundamentalist Christians – the ones who want to beat everybody else into submission and belief in their own personal truth. I don’t think that one even needs explanation.
Wendy Hawksley´s last blog ..October 26 – Costume Check
Hm.
I think part of the issue here is exactly that “I’ve got a place in Heaven and you don’t” mentality. The sad thing is it arises from a pervasive and pernicious misunderstanding of what Jesus was about and what he came to do. Heaven is not the point; Jesus came to save the whole world, and my primary job as a Christian is to love on people, and to love them self-sacrificially and actively work to make their lives better. The book “Surprised by Hope” by N.T. Wright (the Anglican Bishop of Durham, England) offers a really great perspective on this if you’re interested.
I’m curious how much of your experience is based on the particular expression of Christianity known as North American evangelicalism. I wonder if your feelings would be different if your primary experience of Christianity was in, say, west Africa. Most of the Nigerian Christians I know, for instance, are amazing, generous, brave people who work tirelessly for the poor, often at great risk to themselves and their families.
Not that jerks can’t be found everywhere; certainly North American evangelicals have an unusually high percentage of jerks in their population. I do think it’s helpful to remember, though, that all expressions of religion happen within a cultural context as well, and that might have some bearing on the matter.
Or maybe not. At any rate, thank you for a thought-provoking post.
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Let me start by saying that I grew up in a “Christian” home and am still a “Christian” myself. I agree with you completely. Honestly, I hate to call myself a christian because of the image that it conjures for most of society (thus the quotes above).
I wrote this on National Coming Out Day http://annieology.com/2009/10/thanks-for-stopping-by-now-go-someplace-else/
I stayed away from God for a long time because of the people he has working for him. It’s super crazy that people will walk around outside of clinics and yell at teenage girls but won’t walk inside with them and help them through a very difficult decision. I attended a church last weekend that declared they were done with Sunday services because it really didn’t change the world to get together on Sunday and clap their hands. I only wish I lived in that town so I could not go to that church and actually serve my community. i’m thinking of starting that same thing where I do live.
My husband and I over tip just to make up for my sister and her tracts. lol –
anyway loved this post, going to go see if I’m interested in a second date. I’ll let you know or get your number from the moderator. annie
annieology´s last blog ..What I Would Buy If I Won The Lottery
….some “Christians” maybe…but certainly not all of us.
blogged about your post over at my site…btw
oops
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Summer, for all the reasons you list, I hate Christians too. I will give you one more. All those people go out to eat on Sunday probably refuse to work on Sunday, because it is the Lord’s day. But they don’t mind making other people work on that day.
This makes my life a bit difficult because I consider myself a Christian. I will just throw this out there for discussion — You can tell that the people that are in the restaurant go to church but you cannot know truly if they are Christians. I realize that was not your original point, but it is an important distinction to me. There are so so many church goers and so few Christians. It makes me very sad.
Wow. Very thought-provoking. I am a Christian, and a lot of Christians irritate me. A lot of non-Christians irritate me as well, but that’s beside the point. Having been married to someone on staff at a church, I have seen the very ugly side of a lot of people who claim to be Christians. I have also known a lot of warm, loving, generous, genuine, truly admirable people. I don’t know which category I would fall in to, I guess it would depend on the day, but I of course hope to be one of the good ones. I do tip well when I eat out, if that counts for anything, but I don’t eat out on Sunday lunch because it’s too crowded.
I think, for me, the hardest thing to swallow is the one size fits all mentality and the “I have the right to do things that you do not” because I am doing the very same thing for the “right” reason, but YOU are wrong. I have seen no changes in behavior – just in reasons for exhibiting the very same behavior, but now with “biblical backing” that makes it all okay.
Somehow, that simply washes away that “you are doing the very same thing you condemn!”
Amen, Summer.
D.F.A. creepy
Dawn´s last blog ..Slumdog Millionare
Summer…nothing to do w/you….but w/ a web a stalker.
Dawn´s last blog ..Slumdog Millionare
Great post! You have given me something to think about and something to work on. Thanks!
“The closer ones claims to be to God, the farther one is from their fellow human beings.”
I’m a Christian, and I couldn’t agree with you more. I think maybe we’re looking for God in the wrong places.
Rachel H. Evans´s last blog ..A Halloween Treat…
An odd thought.. as I read this post I can only think “Christianity” is a cult. It is also a culture. I follow Yahweh, and recognize Yahwehs own Son as Messiah. Christianity is a cult based on a faith, and all the corresponding behaviors, culture, and concepts that go with it are a direct result not of following Love, but following an institution.
When I hear this kind of stuff, I understand. But I have spent as much time with other folks (”pagans” to “atheists” to “materialists” to whomever they identify themselves) and have seen as much dysfunction and bad behavior. And I see it in myself too dramatically to allow smugness a place. I made so many bad judgement calls and actions last week I probably disqualified myself from a lot of things.
The real crux seems to me that the culture of Christianity tries to make a clarion call for one thing, which by default means they dont have it, and need it. They call it Righteousness. The hard part is the folks who dont realize they dont have it, that their culture isnt sufficient to overcome their own self. They get carried along in enculturation, as if that is the same as following Love.
It isnt.
But for my part… Im still not ashamed to call them my brothers and my sisters. Ill take them, warts and all. Its easy to throw the rocks, and I get caught with my hand in the rock jar all the time groping for a chucker to toss at an unsuspecting believer. But thats too easy. I should just take it and crack it against my skull for being so arrogant as to think Im different enough to justify my thoughts, let alone my actions.
Im kind of preachy… sorry… just musing… Critiquing the Hypocrites doesnt change anything, loving them does. That is the esscence of following Love. Love gets iny ou, and Loves the unlovables, wether they are they stinky smelly homeless guy, the arrogant narrcicist, or the self righteous relio-bigot (christian or satanist, pagan or modern, atheist or whateverist). Thats the big challenge Im getting from this post. How do I love the hypocrite? How do I love the self righteous? How do I love myself?
Summer, I read this and could totally understand why you feel the way that you do. I am a Christian, and I have no problem with what you said. Perhaps a glimmer of hope is that over the past years we are hearing more and more Christians calling out the same thing you are calling out. If there is anything that shakes my faith, it is what you have just described. I don’t understand how people who claim to love and follow Christ can act this way. However, I still love and follow Christ, I still believe there is an Ultimate love and grace that can only be found in Him . . . I am truly sorry for all the Christians misrepresent.
Oh, one more thing . . . I have linked to you on my blog, one that mostly Christians read. There is a lot in here that we need to be confronted with. Thanks!
This is why many Quakers (which I am) won’t call themselves Christians. Heard one Quaker say “I’m not a Christian but I have Christ’s inner light.”
As you have likely seen on my facebook as I have become more liberal some Christian friends and family have all but disowned me. It’s been pretty painful but has made me see that so many Christians are very judgmental. I hadn’t seen it as much before as I went to a Presbyterian church that was VERY open and caring.
I wish Christians would read the whole bible and read the red letters.
Some of my favorite quotes-
“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” Ghandi
“The Christian resolution to find the world ugly and bad has made the world ugly and bad.” Nietzsche
“Of all religions, Christianity is without a doubt the one that should inspire tolerance most, although, up to now, the Christians have been the most intolerant of all men” Voltaire
“Force may make hypocrites, but it can never make converts.” William Penn
“Love is the hardest lesson in Christianity; but, for that reason, it should be most our care to learn it.” William Penn
Summer Reply:
November 8th, 2009 at 10:27 am
Of all the sects, I’ve always liked Quakers the best. I have quite a few Quaker friends and they seem the ones with the biggest hearts.
Alot of people actually are “religious” and lack “spirituality”…and thus the problem. You can have a religious life bound by rituals and think your going to heaven…wich is where so many people go wrong. Christianity is a label when in fact it is suppost to be a relationship between man and God. People throw in all the ritualistic crap and jargon, that makes people loose that strand of personal worship that is suppost to be personal between them and God. I am sure your a very bright person and your way of life is your own. I just thought Id share this.
I’m sorry. I am truly sorry that you have experienced all the poo behavior of people who label themselves Christians. I have seen the same things, I waited tables and dreaded the Wednesday night group for the same reasons you describe. Same with the bumper stickers and everything else. You’re 100% that this is what most ‘Christians’ represent as.
I would submit that those who behave that way are not actually Christians at all. If you have Christ in you, you CANNOT behave in that way without major conviction which ought to drive you to ‘become a better person’ as you have suggested. But that doesen’t really help the situation because the people doing these things still run loose in the streets.
I’m a Christian, but as others have said, I’m often tempted not to say that but find some other way to describe that I follow Christ. I pray that I am an exception to the things you’ve mentioned. I am aware of the truth of what you say so perhaps that is half the battle. What else can I say. I’m sorry. I follow Christ, not Christians.