I\'m Summer, a mouthy, sarcastic bitch. I\'m passionate about natural birth, long term breastfeeding, and living naturally. I curse too much, love tattoos, and will some day be crushed to death by my book collection. I homeschool, dream of gardening, and swing to the left. 
I’m Not Looking For A Hero
A few days ago Dearest found a copy of Shrek 2 and bought it for the boys to watch. I actually really like the Shrek movies, they’re cute and funny and you gotta love a movie where the princess chooses the ogre over Prince Charming. Number two is just as cute as the first (we haven’t seen #3 yet), especially at the end when given the choice of life as a princess with a handsome husband she chooses Shrek. Green skin, nasty gas, swamp and all.
It was great, right up until the Fairy Godmother starts singing I Need A Hero.
OK, I get why they choose that song. It fits in with the scene: Shrek fighting through to get to Fiona and the Prince Charming trying to be sexy while only being utterly annoying. It works, I get it. But I still can’t stand that song. It’s the lyrics, they are like nails on the chalk board to me. And really it’s because of that they both work and don’t work right there. The song grates across me in the same way that the Prince does, this agrivating assumption that Fiona needs some big strong man to take care of her. Which of course, she doesn’t. Because Shrek, the supposed “hero”, simply drops to his knees in defeat and it’s Fiona herself that headbutts the Prince and knocks him down.
But I still can’t enjoy the movie with that song getting stuck in my head. And it does, every time. I spend the rest of the day hearing I Need A Hero belted out in my ear.
Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods?
Where’s the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds?
Isn’t there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Ugh, it starts out bad and just gets worse. Gods? Hercules? A white knight on a fiery steed? How about a regular guy that’s not a jerk and doesn’t think I’m some poor maiden in distress, that’s what I’d rather have. Do I look like I’m locked in a tower, do you see any dragons roaming around, do I need a fainting couch?
And he’s gotta be larger than life
Why would I want a guy larger than life? Do you know the kind of ego that comes along with that? Sorry, but the kind of man who thinks walking into the room should make young girls swoon at his feet is not the kind of guy you want to deal with on a daily basis. Weekly or monthly even. No thanks.
It’s gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet
Oh gods, that’s almost as bad as the Hercules stuff. What’s the deal with fictional characters that are all flash and muscle with no substance? And can we say high expectations? You need a comic book character to sweep you off you feet? Really?
Me? I’m looking for Matt Damon. Because no matter what they look like, guys who say things like “Bond is an imperialist and a misogynist who kills people and laughs about it” are hot. Keep your white knight, I’ll take brains baby.
