I\'m Summer, a mouthy, sarcastic bitch. I\'m passionate about natural birth, long term breastfeeding, and living naturally. I curse too much, love tattoos, and will some day be crushed to death by my book collection. I homeschool, dream of gardening, and swing to the left. 
Let’s Talk About Birth, Baby
photo credit: quinn.anya
The super-cool Mrs Flinger put together a little challenge for bloggers to actually, you know, write. And write well while we’re at it. So of course I jumped all over the chance, because, hey, I’m like the suck at this writing stuff. No really, let’s be honest, I am.
Anyway. We’ve been challenged to write about an embarrassing moment. And well, I already shared about me flashing the mailman last week. I thought about another underwear inspired post. Like the time I tripped and fell and the boy behind me tried to catch me by grabbing the belt loop on my jeans, except he managed to pull down my jeans instead, and then my underwear fell down cause they were too big, all in the middle of the library on a busy day.
But if I tell that story in the detail it deserves I’ll start having flashbacks to the year I hit puberty, and we just don’t have the money to afford that kind of therapy right now. Blocking out my childhood in three, two, one …
Here’s my less therapy-inducing embarrassing story.
When I was pregnant with Trey I was planning a homebirth. Since we were going to have Evan with us I wanted him to be prepared for the birth. I spent hours with Evan on my lap, sitting at the computer. We watched YouTube videos of birth, looked at photos of babies being born, spent countless hours discussing birth.
Basically I didn’t want him to freak out when there was blood and mess and me possibly screaming.
One day, when I was near the end of the pregnancy, Evan and I were at the little grocery store in town. It was a quiet day. Not so many customers that the store was noisy, but still not quite empty either. Evan and I stood in the canned food aisle, among a handful of elderly women who were filling up carts by the handful. I was standing back, trying to stay out of their way, and probably trying to figure out if they were from a church or center.
And then Evan spoke up.
Slowly he turned his big blue eyes towards a sweet looking woman next to me. He flashed his biggest smile, willing her to come just a little bit closer, and then:
Babies come out of their mommy’s vaginas when they are born. And there’s a lot of blood.”
I don’t know who was more shocked, me or the poor woman Evan was talking to. I quickly scooped Evan up and started carrying him away. Of course “quickly” is a relative term when you’re the size of a barn and your hips are separating. By the time we reached the end of the aisle he had already given a biology lesson the likes of which no one has ever seen.
I’m just glad he didn’t start making the faces or the noises. I’m sure that would have been next on his agenda.
By the way, he’s seen 2 births now and was completely calm and laid back through both of them. I suspect, however, there is still a group of traumatized old women somewhere reliving the day they were verbally assaulted in the canned good aisle.
I guess they have that “out of the mouths of babes” saying for a reason, haha!
Awesome.
Nolan saw Meg’s birth but he liked to tell people she came out of my butt.
Susan´s last blog ..Dissection
That is classic. And yes, quickly is VERY relative.
Diana´s last blog ..I (Used To) Do My Own Stunts
When I was three I told my grandmother that my vagina hurt because my underwear was too small. My mom says my grandmother never quite recovered from that.
OK, that? Totally made me laugh. Evan was just providing them with valuable information. And based on your description of their ages, it was probably high time they knew.
Amber´s last blog ..Little Monkeys
I submitted one! How do I get the cool widget doohickey at the end to show up on my blog too? I clicked on the icon but it just takes me to the hosting site.
Jill´s last blog ..Probably The Most TMI Post You Will Ever Read On This Blog
Summer Reply:
December 1st, 2009 at 9:44 am
You have to join the Write of Passage group here, look through the Events section, and find the challenge. At the bottom is the code for the widget. Yay for joining!
Hey – at least he got his facts right! Not bad mama!
Carrie´s last blog ..Dog Day
Love it! I love the things kids say, and he was a genius to pick some little ole ladies to tell it to!
I saw both my brothers born at home, so I can relate to your son. I’m sure the ladies in the canned goods aisle had seen and heard it all before. Unless they were nuns. That would have ruled.
Michael @badassdadblog´s last blog ..who do you trust?
Ah haha, awesome story.
Al_Pal´s last blog ..My new creative outlet: Bread Puddings!