I\'m Summer, a mouthy, sarcastic bitch. I\'m passionate about natural birth, long term breastfeeding, and living naturally. I curse too much, love tattoos, and will some day be crushed to death by my book collection. I homeschool, dream of gardening, and swing to the left. 
Mama Can’t Crap
You know I might not have had kids if I had known about the “mama can’t crap” clause. it’s in the fine print, hidden away where you won’t know about it until too late. In the clause it states that 30 seconds after you sit on the toilet 1 or more of these things will happen.
- The toddler will climb the gate, go into the kitchen, and get into the knife drawer.
- The toddler will unlock the hallway door and make a mad dash into rooms he’s not allowed to do.
- The preschooler will open the front door letting both the cat and the toddler out.
- You will hear screaming as if the children are being ripped to pieces by mountain lions, except they are fighting over one pretzel out of an entire bowlful of them
Of course when any of these things happen you will have no choice but to run through the house, pants around your ankles, shrieking like a mad woman. At this point you will realize that the front door is open and either the mailman, the landlady, or the neighbor’s kids will be standing there looking at you.
These are the things they don’t tell you about when you sign that pregnancy contract. Sure they ramble on and on about tiny feet, cute clothes, and hearing “mama” for the first time. But don’t let them fool you, there’s a lot of fine print in there. Things like only getting 1 shower a week, forced to pick boogers from someone else’s nose, and exploding poop diapers at 3 AM. And of course, the “mama can’t crap” clause.
You’ve been warned.
[tags]parenting, life, kids, motherhood[/tags]
AMEN! I think mom’s need to be warned about this clause! LOL!
Mine always start fighting the minute I sit down in the bathroom, or there are little fingers under the door, and a pitiful little voice crying for me.
LMAO! I was just saying something so similar to hubby.
He asks what I am doing when the kids get into mischief and my standard answer is “Trying to take a crap!” I think they plot and plan, knowing that we’re bound to be headed for the bathroom soon!
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I knew I wasn’t the only one with this problem!
Great post!!! Reminds me of when I went to visit a family with 3 kids under 3 (twins + baby) that I used to nanny for. I told the mom that she was welcome to leave me with the kids for an hour or so if she needed to run errands or something. Her response: *sigh* it maybe I’ll take a shower or something.
I had to laugh about this because one time I was going to bathroom, I literally lost my son. Long story, but comes down to exactly what you are saying.
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This. Is. HILARIOUS.
Great post, added a thumbs up for ya!
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Great blog !! I to have missed the fine print in the mommy contract.
Have you hidden a camera in my house?! That was sooo funny! -Loren
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Beckie – I know exactly what you mean about the little fingers and pitiful voice.
Shannan – I think you’re absolutely right! It’s a plot!
Sally – Ahh, a shower. The eternal mommy quest.
Michelle – LOL Lost or escaped?
VDog – Why thank you!
Debbie – They don’t want us to read the fine print.
Loren – Thanks! I suspect that’s probably how it goes down in every mom’s house.
I found this via stumbleupon. It’s so hilarious! And True!
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