Christine has a post up on being a stay at home mom and has asked for other people to share their own stories. I found an older post where I share far too much about our income, but I wanted to write another post to expand on it.
For me it was a choice that I had to make. I just could not imagine handing my newborn baby over to a total stranger to raise so I could “live the American dream”. I remember being just a few weeks postpartum and sobbing, begging Dearest to promise me that I wouldn’t have to return to work.
There are two common stereotypes about stay at home moms. One is that we’re sitting on the couch all day watching soaps and eating bon-bons. Frankly I hate soaps, I only dream about eating chocolate all day, and the boys only let me sit down in 15 minute bits if I can bribe them with puzzles or crayons. The second myth, however, is that we’ve all got this fabulously wealthy husbands who can afford everything. I’m still waiting for the one I ordered out of the catalogue to arrive, so until then I’m stuck with Dearest and his barely above minimum wage paychecks.
Funny/not so funny story. A couple years ago I was a month late on a credit card payment. Completely honest, it just slipped my mind. But they were ready to punce and I got the call soon after from an irrate woman badgering me about mkaing a payment immediately and threatening to take it out of my paycheck. When I laughed and explained that I was a stay at home mom and had no paycheck for her to take apart her reaction immediately was “Well, it must be nice to just have someone take care of everything for you.” in the snottiest tone ever.
That entire conversation has stuck in the back of mind since it happened.
The fact is most single income families aren’t rolling in the dough. Most of us are barely getting by. But for those who make the choice it’s fine. There is a whole change in perception that takes place. Things that I often hear people complaining about paying for we don’t have, and that’s wonderful! The idealized American family with the big screen TVs, oversized house, and two brand new cars isn’t anywhere in our sights. Who cares about affording all the crap it takes to keep up with the Jones when you’re never home to use any of it? Do the kids need brand name, $100 jeans or their mom home to play cards with?
I’ve had people tell me they could never afford to stay home, and they’re often right. You can’t afford to stay home with two brand new cars, a morgage bigger than your yearly income, and an addiction to auto accessories that cost more than my monthly food budget. Staying home means giving up a lot of the things most people are brainwashed by commercials into thinking they need.
But it’s worth it to me.
Tags: stay at home mom, staying home, family, income, money
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February 9th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Great post! You are so right that it boils down to choosing to give up unnecessary things. My husband used to get depressed that we lived in a small two bedroom apartment. I reminded him that we were luckier than many because we had a roof over our head and did not have to worry about where our next meal was coming from. As long as we have the basics I am happy, I don’t need a big screen TV.
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February 9th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
I agree, good post. Actually, today was my husbands birthday and it was the first year I didn’t spend an insane amount on him. This is the first year of me staying home and we definitely aren’t rolling in the dough. I’ve been able to take my daughter to her first day of kindergarten, volunteer at her school, watch my son stand up for the first time, I was there when he started saying dada, I’ll be there for all the “firsts” and present for my kids whenever they need me. Our kids won’t get cars when they turn 16, but they’ll know that I’m there. My husband reminds me often that we are lucky and better off than most people in America who can’t even live on one income. It’s a blessing.
Mommie
http://www.mommieshome.net
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February 9th, 2008 at 11:35 pm
this post is right on. i used to have a friend who would always say, “i could never afford to SAH” and she was right. but then, they had a brand new HUGE house, two brand new vehicles, a boat, etc. they were in debt up to their eyeballs so they could live the american dream. uh, no thanks.
we have our fair share of debt too and we are slowly paying it off because while i have a bit of income, it’s negligible and most of j’s salary goes toward living expenses.
it’s definitely worth it to me to SAH with my kids when they are young, even if it means giving up the “extras.” there will be time for those things later.
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February 10th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
alright, we are building an oversized house, but the basement isn’t done, and it isn’t even close to a fancy house, we did everything we possibly could ourselves and I got a big downpayment off the sale of my other home- and the 5 acreas we got is off a highway, so a lot of folks would never live there, but it’s heaven to us! I was a single mom for a lot of years, so I had to work to support my kids. I now stay home, and will NEVER go back, EVER< EVER!! It broke my heart leaving my babies, I would bawl and bawl over it, worst thing ever. We’ve been married five years, and have been through financial heck. My husband does make good money, but it doesn’t mean we are any richer, it just means we can afford a bigger mortgage, and to put the kids in karate, you know? We don’t make a six figure income, but I bet we will in a few years because of what my husband does (a job that doesn’t require a degree, he works in the oil field driving truck) I am frugal with my money, we shop clearance, we shop thrift stores, I grind my own wheat and bake my own bread. My goal is to be out of debt, so that doesn’t leave much money for anything. Homeschooling can be expensive, but it doesn’t have to be, I think it is about your commitment as parents. Okay, I’m taking too much time. I have a degree, I work from home and I make a couple hundred or so a month depending on the month, I have another home based business. I do things to help supplement. I don’t drive a fancy car and I’ll be lucky if my husband’s truck lasts the winter. I think when you stay home, you make a choice to put your family first, and you go without, but it’s worth it. SOrry for writing so much! (I’m also almost 33, with 5 kids!)
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February 17th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
[...] presents On Staying Home posted at Wired For Noise, saying, “A short post on why being a stay at home mom was the [...]
February 20th, 2008 at 6:04 pm
I stay at home with my kids, and I have ever since my first was born nearly 7 years ago–and I have never regretted it. I do think I would have regretted going back to work. Childhood flies by, so I think if you can make the choice to stay at home, you are making the choice to experience your child’s life first-hand as much as you can. Now, don’t get me wrong–I have nothing against moms who work…I know many have to, and many want to, and that is fine if that is their choice. But staying home was definitely the right choice for me!
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March 9th, 2008 at 10:32 am
Great post. I think I may have to blog about this myself, if you don’t mind!
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April 26th, 2008 at 10:41 pm
I totally agree with this. I had this post starred in my Reader and just read it. I worked part time after my first but not anymore since the 2nd. There are days I miss it but it’s just little things I miss like a lunch break! We have very much cut down to make it work. We have one small economy car and a scooter now. We use the bus and bike as much as possible. Our lives have changed but I think it is for the better…
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