If you spent any time this week reading mothers’ blogs you probably ran into the Mothers Act Day on the 24th. It was a day when women were reaching out and talking about Postpartum Depression and asking others to get involved by calling their Senators and urging them to support the MOTHERS Act.
Did you call?
After A was born I was deep in PPD. Sure I acted happy and put on a good show, but alone in my room at night all I could do was cry. I felt like a failure, like the worst mother ever. The constant heartbreak was almost too much and I fantasized how much better off my kids would be if I just went out to the garage and made it stop. That thought seemed to consume anything else. For months I could be found smiling and chatting while in the back of my head was the constant recording of how much better my kids would be without me. I told no one, I hid it from the world. I played the part of the ecstatic new mother while secretly dying inside.
I still remember going over this checklist and scoring a 63. Anything over 40 it tells you to see your doctor immediately.
And honestly, the fact that I’m such a “boob nazi” as I’ve been called is probably what saved me. As much as I wanted to end the pain the thought of my child not being breastfed hurt worse. So I suffered through, counting the days until I could wean without guilt and feel free to make it all go away. And slowly, day by day, I felt better. (side note, formula feeding is a “significant risk factor” for PPD)
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October 26th, 2007 at 4:19 pm
Oh, hon. I never knew.
October 26th, 2007 at 4:45 pm
I remember that time…I wrote you a letter and was so worried about you. You disapeared from online…as far as I knew you acted on your thoughts. PPD is a very serious and very scary thing. I’m so glad that my mom is aware of it and is watching my sister closly.
October 29th, 2007 at 12:25 am
Breastfeeding kept my head above water, too. I hate that “boob nazi” crap. Why do people criticize when you do something good for your baby?!