Saying No, Politely


I have a terrible time saying no to people. Especially face to face. In my head I may be saying how I feel, but on the outside I just smile and nod and keep quiet. My grandmother would be so proud.

So first thing this morning a woman comes to my house. Now I sort of know her. We met at the park, her son and mine played together and liked each other. We exchanged numbers planned to do a couple playdates. But those fell through. She did come over a few times last week when her gas was shut off in her house, once to take a hot shower. That’s fine, I’m more than willing to help. I know I’ve been there before. But still I wouldn’t call her a friend, truthfully she’s pretty darn annoying.

So first thing this morning she’s at my door. Now to normal people it was probably mid morning, to us it’s still early. A and I had only been up for about 30 minutes and E had just been dropped off minutes before from staying the night with his cousins. I was unpacking his bag when I heard a knock on the door and thought it was them, as a couple things had been left out of his bag. Instead there she was, bouncing in during the middle of unhappy time. We’re not morning people.

She was offering to buy me a new power cord for the laptop since mine is fried and we still haven’t gotten the replacement one yet. I was hesitant.

  1. She’s made several comments about having no computer at her house and hinting at using mine. I’ve been able to push them aside because our PC is so old and near death. With the laptop working I wouldn’t have that excuse, and I’d feel obliged since she did buy the power cord.
  2. I had a billion and twelve thing to do around the house day, a fact that I did mention several times. There was just no way I could fit a trip to another town in my schedule.
  3. This is where I gave her the “Are you crazy?” face. I’m in a ratty old shirt and sweats, A isn’t even dressed yet, and E is laying on the floor having a fit because he’s over-tired, wants to be at his cousin’s house, and had 3 donuts for breakfast over there. Going out in public is the last thing on my mind.

I had thought that this would be the end of her visit. Really, it just wasn’t a good morning and anyone could clearly see it. Between E’s tantrum, A’s clinginess, and my to do list no one in their right mind should have wanted to stay.

But she did. For an hour! Just sitting in the chair smiling at me as I tried to hint as gently as I could that it was time for her to go. Seriously, you need to get. I cannot clean in front of company, I just can’t. I can barely clean in front of Dearest, and he lives here. I have this “must entertain guests” switch that is jammed into place. If I tried to do any cleaning I would probably die of embarrassment from being so rude. Again, grandma would be so proud to know her lessons were drilled in so completely.

Now it’s 11:30 and the house is still a mess. Any momentum I had going is gone now. I just look at the kitchen and walk away. Maybe I can tackle it later, or tomorrow. Right now I need to decompress.


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Published by: Summer on December 1st, 2007 | Filed under friends, life



5 Responses to “Saying No, Politely”

  1. Jen Says:
    December 1st, 2007 at 10:39 pm

    hey, thanks for visiting my blog! glad to know i’m not the only one who finds change during a diaper change ;-)

    I totally hear ya on how frustrating it can be to have to deal with folks who are tone deaf to the music of subtle social cues. We have a neighbor who is very much that way. It’s gotten so bad I no longer let her in the door. I just keep smiling sweetly and saying, “Oh, I’m sorry, now isn’t a good time.” While the baby howls and the toddler whines and the cat tries to get outside!!!

  2. Christine Says:
    December 2nd, 2007 at 12:33 am

    Is this Canada Girl?? I might be wrong, but … well, we could compare notes! :)

    By the way, LOVE your new pic.

  3. Awesome Mom Says:
    December 2nd, 2007 at 2:23 am

    That would bug me to no end. If you get the cord replaced I would not tell her or she will be over all day using your computer.

  4. Sara Says:
    December 2nd, 2007 at 4:11 pm

    oh see I have the exact oppisite problem! I get so rude and uppity that you may not want to be my friend afterwards…*hem*

  5. Kim Says:
    December 2nd, 2007 at 4:50 pm

    Oh yeah. We’ve all been there. Sounds like she is desperate for a friend or some help too, which adds the guilt factor to your inability to say no.She is either oblivious or taking advantage of that guilt factor which in turn makes you feel angry and trapped, right? I’m not sure what the solution is, but I do know there is a difference between help and friendship, although they aren’t usually mutually exclusive. Sounds like you don’t want to be friends with this lady. So maybe it is time to draw a line in the sand and with her it might have to be a very thick line before she gets it.I know you didn’t ask for advice, so sorry for going off on a tangent. As you can tell, I’ve been there.

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