School before school?


Today I met with my MOPs group for brunch and crafts. The conversation floated around from sleeping habits to playtime to birthcontrol and various other “mommy” topics. Somewhere along the waythe subject of school, and more importantly preschool, came up. I found myself biting my tongue throughout the conversation, reminding myself that (as usual) I’m the odd man out. This fact was reaffirmed when the conversation headed towards childbirth, but that’s a different post.

It seems as if everyone in my group is planning on sending their children to preschool, in fact half of them already are. I almost laughed out loud as they nodded and agreed with each other on the importance of 3 year olds learning how to stand in line and listen to the teacher. I swear i’m not exagerating, these were some of the much important skills they all accepted that young children needed to know. One woman, an older mother of two, nodded sagely and apouted how important it was for children to go to school before they go to school. They need to learn how to act and what will be expected of them when they enter the public school system. The old standbys of socialization, independence, and freedom were laid out; along with the asurance that children not attending preschool would be so far behind and posibly unable to catch up. The dreaded “repeating a grade” was said in hushed tones to get the point across at how very important it was for every child to be coloring inside the lines. One woman even spouted how important school was so that the children could have daily P.E. class. Apparently going to the park isn’t even good enough anymore without a licenced teacher there to teach the children how to play.

What perplexes me the most is how eager they all were to preach the merits of preschool and make it clear what would be lost if a child did not attend. Not knowing that there was a secret homeschooler hiding in their ranks they seemed so desperate to convince each other that preschool was the best choice. I wonder how the conversation would have went had I outed myself.

But then again, there are other aspects of myself that I still haven’t let on to them yet. If I hadn’t alrady paid good money for membership I’d seek motherhood support elsewhere, I’m am definately the outcast of the group.

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Published by: Summer on October 24th, 2006 | Filed under kids, life



10 Responses to “School before school?”

  1. The Maven Says:
    October 25th, 2006 at 11:51 am

    Oh puh-LEEZE! I’d be rolling my eyes, too, and I have a child in preschool. He doesn’t go so he can learn to wait in line and sit down for circle time (those ever important life lessons! LOL) He’s there because he asked if he could go, so I agreed. I’d pull him out in a heartbeat if he wasn’t enjoying himself, you know?

    That’s the new trend now, though: Kids ‘need’ preschool so the can attend primary, and - oh, didn’t you know? - they now ‘need’ daycare so they won’t fall behind in preschool *sigh*

    I’m nearly always the odd one out in mom groups, too. I feel your pain *hugs*

  2. maya Says:
    October 28th, 2006 at 3:40 pm

    oh i’ve so been there! i’m startign to be very upfront about what we’re doing and find that the converstaion regularly turns the other way, to curiosity and people expressing dismay over childhood being lost. preschool seems to be a fear-based choice, instead of a positive option, you know?

  3. ~L~ Says:
    October 28th, 2006 at 11:20 pm

    Those conversations make me want to hurl. When you bother to read about how children learn, you know better than that horseshit.

  4. Anonymous Says:
    October 29th, 2006 at 1:08 am

    I a, always the goofy one who outs myself and then gently tries to answer the flinging questions. I try not to judge people for their choices and say things like “We decided ….our kids, etc..” YOu kow, I’ve already shared my technique for deflecting the scrutiny by asking them questions about their choices and kids instead. Still, it can be stressful. For the first time ever I tried out not disclosing details when asked. A clerk, friendly said, “No school today? Geesh. Seems like they just started and already a day off?!” Instead of telling her our life story, like I normally would have, I just said “Yup, depends on the school I guess.” and winked at my kids. Their mouths were hanging open . I explained afterwards why I did that and they thought it was a good idea for when we’re too tired or grumpy to explain.
    Kim from relaxed homeskool

  5. Amy Says:
    November 1st, 2006 at 3:07 am

    This attitude isn’t really all that new, though — I was recently watching the movie “Baby Boom,” from about 20 years ago, where a woman in New York City is given custody of a baby - probably just under a year or so - after a relative dies. There is a scene where she’s sitting on a bench in the park with other mothers, while the children play. The other mothers are all talking about how this child didn’t get into that school, and how they have to get into good preschools. One mother who is visibly pregnant comments that her unborn child is already on the waiting list for some school. When the main character mentions that her little one isn’t in any schools (or signed up for any), the other mothers act as if this is some horrible thing and tell her that “the other babies are WAY ahead of her…”

    Anyway, I wish this attitude would wane. I’m not completely anti-preschool, but I don’t think it’s essential, and it should be more about fun and meeting other kids than about strict rules and too much “school” type learning.

  6. FatcatPaulanne Says:
    November 1st, 2006 at 1:23 pm

    I know how you feel, being the outcast, but our kids are benefiting from our being able to choose a different path from the expected.

  7. Anonymous Says:
    November 1st, 2006 at 4:30 pm

    As a mother of a non-preschooled kid, with two more toddlers, I will say this:

    She didn’t suffer!!! Yes, I had a week to teach her some basic skills that I really thought would be actually taught in Kindergarten (as when I was her age), but other than that, it was okay. She’s not behind, nor was she ever. In fact, our household standards are far higher than the grade standards.

    Nor will I be sending the other two–unless they wish it, and I think the local school system has at least one clue. Our current one is rapidly losing theirs. I will decide about public school for the other two on a case-by-case basis.

    My oldest and I have agreed that she will begin homeschooling in the near future, and in the meantime, I’m carefully watching what she is learning in class and dropping in learning moments as available.

    Midnight

  8. Anonymous Says:
    November 1st, 2006 at 6:06 pm

    A part time preschool worked for us, only so as to allow my daughter to meet some local kids(we have no kids in our neighborhood). And to that extent, it has done its job. However, my child has learned nothing that she didn’t know before and as for standing in line, she was doing that just fine prior to attending preschool as well. The trend in our local MOPS group is for the mothers to all send their preschoolers to 5 day a week preschool instead of 2x/week, to ‘better prepare’ them for Kindergarten. I am the odd woman out in this respect as I found this a huge waste of time-time that could be better spent taking walks, going to the park, playing etc. Since when do we have to ‘prepare’ kids for Kindergarten? I thought Kindergarten was supposed to ‘prepare’ kids for the rest of school? If I were going to send my child on to public school, why would I want to waste this precious preschool time in a five day all day long program if I didn’t have to?–Carolyn

  9. kinderteacherturnedunschoolingmomma Says:
    November 7th, 2006 at 1:41 am

    hahaha - the childbirth and schooling stuff always ended up putting me into the wacky land at those types of get togethers ;-) now i’m fairly comfy out of the box and it doesn’t get to me like it used to. i love being with my littles and don’t really want to share them with a day care provider =D. at any rate, we’re way too busy for that!!

  10. Christine Says:
    November 15th, 2006 at 4:33 pm

    If you ever decide to leave MOPS, will you please, please, please out yourself on EVERYTHING … and invite me to come so I can be there to watch! ha! ha! ha! ha! That’ll be a hoot.

    And my two cents … I’ll always fight for preschool for those sweet kids who don’t get the privilege of having a parent at home, and can get some wonderful stimulation instead of a glorified babysitting daycare setting.

    Outside of that … hmmmm … one-on-one interaction from one of the people who loves them the most, has the greatest desire to watch them learn and grow, and has the greatest amount of patience with them than anyone else on the planet …. or preschool? That’s a no brainer.

    I’m dealing with it here, too. “When are you putting Presh in preschool?” They’re asking me that, while my homeschooled second grader is standing beside me. They don’t get it.

    I have a third grader who just entered organized school for the first time. Her only problems were when the teacher would hand her a study guide and say, “Study this.” She looked at me and asked, “What does that mean?” ha !ha! ha! We never studied and regurgitated. We learned stuff. If it wasn’t learned yet, we still studied it. We assessed what we knew as we went along. Test? What’s that? ha!

    I also don’t care about her grades. She’ll come home with a paper that has a terrible grade. We’ll go over the information. She knows the answers. She either just skipped a problem or didn’t understand what was required for that 43rd worksheet of the day (ugh). So, I say, “Well, look at that! You just didn’t get it from your brain to your paper. Oh well!” I’m not real popular with the teachers, but she is having a blast at school, she IS learning … and we still supplement some really fun stuff here at home that goes along with what she’s learning. I think I’m the only parent in town that says, “Oh well” to an “F” on an Language Arts worksheet! ha!

    Oooo. I’m rambling. All of that to say - been there, done that, got the t-shirt!

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