Smile Though Your Heart Is Breaking
BlogHer was a hot mess. I spent most of the time bouncing back and forth between being thrilled to be there and wishing I had just stayed home. There were gift bags, amazing sessions, and Starbucks martinis.
But this post isn’t about BlogHer. It’s about Michael.
Michael is the man most commonly referred to here as “Dearest”. But I think it’s time you all know his name. Michael is the man I plan to grow very old with. The man I secretly plot to annoy on a daily basis. The man that rolls his eyes when I tease him about being older than me and pushing him down the stairs in his wheel chair someday. He loves me, even when he is absolutely aggravated with me. And Friday afternoon, while I was partying it up at BlogHer, he had a heart attack.
It was late afternoon, he was hot and tired, so he took a break to a local Tex-Mex place that has the best lemonade around. And as he was carrying his drink out the door he had a sharp pain shoot from his chest across to his back, his left arm went numb, and he dropped his drink on the floor. The world spun, he felt dizzy and confused, and he had to sit down for a moment.
And Michael, this damn stubborn man, didn’t tell anyone what happened. He actually got back in the truck and finished work. And kept on working all weekend. He didn’t finally talk about it until Sunday night as we were lying in bed about to go to sleep.
Well, if I said something sooner you wouldn’t have wanted to have “I missed you” sex.
Do you see the kind of man I have to deal with?
Wednesday afternoon he has a doctor’s appointment. He is still shakey and weak, though he refuses to stop working for even a day. Becasue he’s so damn hard headed he insists that he’s fine and he’s not going to slow down. And because I’m terrified I keep smiling and acting like this was just a little blip. Because really, if I stop to think about it for longer than a minute I’m going to turn into a ball of sobbing goo. Right now the kids need mommy to pretend everything is fine, so until the doctor says otherwise then everything is fine.
And if the doctor says otherwise …
Michael had an uncle that died at 41 from a heart attack. It’s not something that has escaped my mind. IN fact for months before this I would bring it up repeatedly. As I noticed Michael having more and more headaches, as I noticed him gaining weight, as I noticed his joints hurting more, when he started complaining that his ankles were swelling…
All the times I playfully teased him that he was going to kick the bucket at 40 and leave me to raise the kids alone, where I only half meant it because I see how unhealthy he is yet he’s still invincible in my mind. But it’s not playing now, it’s not a joke. So I’m staying up late, pumping out articles and splashing them across the internet. I’m applying to freelance writing jobs that before I wouldn’t have even blinked at. I’m counting in my mind a million ways I can earn more money, more, more. Enough that I can make him slow down, better if I can make him stop. If I can get him to cut back his hours by 25% I will be thrilled. If I can do more than buy a few things that the kids and I need or want here and there, it will be worth less sleep for me.
His name is Michael, he is 32, and Friday afternoon he had a minor heart attack.
Geez! That is scary. I am sending good vibes your way!
*hugs* thoughts and prayers coming everyone’s way…
Oh my God. I hope that this is not that serious, and that Michael will be OK. I’m sending you guys all the good thoughts I can muster.
omg how terrifying! sending you some strength. remember to breath. sending healing vibes his way too. hope it’s only good news. ::hugs::
~Tara
Oh, Summer!! How scary. My thoughts are with you.
My husband is turning 40 this year. He also works too hard, too long and takes abysmal care of himself. You know how the Universe just kind of sends you warning signs sometimes? I just keep getting these pings that if he doesn’t change the path he’s on he’s going to die young. Will he make even ONE change? Riiiiiiight. He maintains he’s going to live to be 112. Not sure how he’s making that one happen. I want to believe him, but I’m also scared.
In other news, CUTE picture!
Thoughts and prayer are with you all.
Damn it!! Tell him to slow down!
Glad you cought it now…and have time to MAKE him slow down.
You and Micheal and in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs
OMG. That is crazy scary Summer. I am so sorry.
Oh love I am so sorry. I hope everything goes well and he makes a complete recovery and the warning shot means he gets the regular treatment he needs so it can serve as a life saver by avoiding a far worse one in the future and keep him with you til you are both old, grey and in rocking chairs.
Big Fat Hug
Wow Summer, that is scary. I’m so glad today is Wednesday. I hope they can figure out what he needs to keep him well for a long, long time.
GAH! I’m also in the “dammit Michael slow down!” camp.
Very scary.
Wow…how frightening. I can’t express how sorry am am to hear about that! Hoping you guys get over this hurdle soon.
First of all, I normally read your blog via email so I just noticed your blog design is amazing. Secondly though, good luck with everything. If you have time to add walking into your life that’s a great way to start getting into better shape
oh, summer. i’m so sorry to read this news. i truly hope for the best for your partner. i wish i could do something…i wish so hard that i could.
Summer… I’m so sorry to hear this. We will be praying for you and Michael.
I didn’t see you at Blogher…well,,,,I might have SEEN you from across the room but I was being dragged out the door by my group on our way somewhere and couldn’t stop.
I hope everything turns out ok with Michael….I totally know how you feel, my DH – on his mom’s side has NOT ONE man who lived past their 30’s because of their hearts. It is scary..
How scary my thoughts an prayers are with ya
Oh my goodness. That is so, so scary and he is so young. Wow. Hugs to all of you.
Oh my goodness!! I do hope the doctor can talk some sense into him…and I also hope it’s nothing. *hugs* While you were at blog her none the less!!!
How scary!!!! He needs someone to knock some sense into him so that he can be healthy and happy for years to come.
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